


Bets: The Art of Being Cute and Kale Smoothies

by Gemini_00



Series: Batfamily Shorts [8]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Batfamily, Big Brother Dick Grayson, Big Brother Jason Todd, Dad Bruce Wayne, Damian Wayne is a Little Shit, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 12:35:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17662751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemini_00/pseuds/Gemini_00
Summary: Tim and Damian make a bet before the family has to leave for the Kane family reunion, where Bruce dreads attending. At first, the bet was funny to watch but the family quickly becomes annoyed with the twos out of character tendencies. Or, Tim Drake becomes a neurotic health freak with self preservation and Damian perfects the art of puppy dog eyes and movies with talking animals.





	1. Day One

“Fine. Looks like we have a bet,” Tim said to his youngest brother. Currently only Duke, Damian, and Tim occupied the kitchen. Duke watched the two stare eachother down.

“I agree. Lets go over the rules; you cannot attempt to interfere or make me lose,” Damian stated.

“And you can’t just stick to Dick or Alfred the whole time. You have to interact with others and you can’t interfere with me,” Tim stated.

“And if I win, you allow me the first pick on leading the Titans mission and you do my chores from Pennyworth for the next month,” Damian stated.

“And if I win,” Tim grinned, “You have to be my coffee boy for the next month and clean my cycle for the week.”

“Alright, where is the contract?” Damian asked.

“I’ll have it written up in an hour,” Time replied.

“And Thomas shall be our witness,” Damian looked at the newest resident.

Duke rolled his eyes, “You guys are seriously deranged.”

“I shall see you in an hour,” Damian nodded, “I have to walk Titus.”

“I have a contract to make,” Tim nodded and walked off. Neither noticed Dick and Bruce walking from a morning run.

“What was that about?” Dick asked, pulling out his cereal. 

Duke glanced at the two of them before sighing, “They made a bet. Damian has to act like a normal and non threatening kid for the next three days. To everybody. And Tim has to actually be a teenager with healthy habits like rest, not sleeping on case files, and most importantly, three whole meals a day with only four cups of coffee allowed from the time he wakes up till three o’clock.”

“You’re joking, right?” Dick’s jaw dropped, “Neither of them will be able to do this. Not with the-”

“The Kane family reunion. Oh yes,” Duke nodded, “And yours truly now has to sign off as a witness. I should’ve skipped on breakfast.”

“What if they both win?” Bruce asked. They all looked and laughed, neither of them would make it that long.

~

Day One:

“Hey,” Jason walked through the door, prepared to walk into absolute chaos as usual but instead found Duke, Bruce, and Dick watching Tim and Damian with wonder. Cassandra lied on the couch while rolling her eyes at the two, “Shouldn’t we be-”

“Shh,” Dick covered Jason’s mouth, “Just look.”

And Jason did to see Tim drinking a whole jug of water while relaxing and reading a book. Meanwhile Damian was watching Zootopia and eating a snack pack of animal crackers. It seemed so oddly domestic. Jason had to blink a few times.

“Is this real life?” Jason asked Alfred who was dusting the nearest vase.

“It seems the young master have made a contract of sorts. Master Tim focusing on his health while Master Damian is too focus on behavior of that of a declared more socially normal child,” Alfred explained, “It will be quite the weekend.”

The Kane family reunion is being held at a resort on the coast, where the weekend will be spent with exhausting family dinners and activities. Bruce assigned the birds of prey, Catwoman, and a few other of the more lowkey gotham vigilantes for control, allowed Clark to take his position at the JLA, and Lucious to manage the W.E. He felt strangely comfortable, despite Selina not coming. The two had been bickering back and forth from all the time forced to spend together in the media. But now, he was stuck with something fairly strange watching his two Robins. The one time he should’ve used the airport and he chose to see the jet. The media would never see this.

“Hey Dick,” Tim looked oddly happy, maybe healthy. He took three different type of vitamins this morning and somewhat cleaned his hazard of a room.

“Uh hey Timbo,” Dick answered, “What’re you doing?”

Everyone knew that Tim on flights stuck strictly to his phone. Even Stephanie or Kon wouldn’t bother trying to pry the boy off of it, “Just thought I’d talk to you. I was going to listen to music, but this whole weekend, I’ve decided to limit my use of technology to two to three hours a day. It feels so relaxing and freeing just to take it all in, wouldn’t you agree, Dami?”

The youngest pursed his lips, fighting back any and all response, “That is very good for you, Timmy.”

Tim frowned for a minute before returning to animatedly chat with Dick while Damian stalked over to Jason and Duke. The latter was sleeping on the sofa, but Jason flipped through netflix on the screen, eyeing the youngest member, “Tod- Jason, can I watch TV with you, please.”

The whole sentence sounded foreign from the first name basis to the polite manners at the end. Jason almost wanted to let the kid grovel for it or allow a slip up but he still wasn’t sure who he wanted to win the bet yet. He shrugged and let the child plop next to him. Plop, not maturely sit down. He plopped on his knees and rested his chin on Jason’s shoulder. Tim was watching them from the side, trying not to show his astonishment.

Jason was ready to click on the rated R movie that he thought only had like one boob. It’s not like the kid hasn’t seen worse, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. It says there is naked people in it. It’s kinda gross.”

“Yeah, but people get their heads blown up, and sword fights, and-”

“Sounds kinda scary,” Damian pouted, “Can we watch something else?”

And holy shit, the child was pouting. Pulling out all the stops with big green puppy eyes. A softer voice and little hands clutching at his jacket. Is this why Dickiebird lets the little tyrant do anything. But Jason won’t cave, Damian can just go play a board game or read a book or… “Okay, but no singing or talking animals.”

~

Bruce registered into the penthouse style suite, enough to accommodate them all while he got Alfred his own room. The silent look of thanks of the man’s face was enough though he made him promise to fetch him if anything was needed.

Which was ridiculous, Bruce could handle his kiddos on his own, Right?

Oh god, Bruce thought to all the Kane family members. There was his uncle Phillip who has the standing feud with Alfred and constantly make snide remarks. His maternal grandmother who has her moments while his great aunt never liked Bruce. At Least Kate, Renee, and Jake were there. Only Dick had ever met his aunt and grandmother, while Jason was given christmas card and birthdays gifts to him- they’d only ever visited Gotham for his funeral. When Tim came along,his grandmother practically wrote Bruce out considering Dick was angry at him and Jason died. But now things are different; the Wayne family is at large. Jason has legally been declared alive, Tim is already involved in his inheritance, Dick Grayson’s charming personality continues to dazzles the world, Cassandra is a girl, and Damian is his blood child.

“Fa- Dad,” Damian corrected, and it felt so wrong. Then Damian grew a sour look before speaking again, “Baba, can we go swimming?”

“Tell the others,” Bruce nodded. At the same time, Tim came in wearing his swim gear along with a swimhat and a bunch of sunscreen.

“Will you help me?” Tim asked, “Gotta keep my fair skin safe from that harsh sun. And pack my afternoon snack.”

They made their way down to the pool. Tim making sure he had a timer for putting on his sunscreen every thirty minutes, also the boy made sure to take the stairs because health but because safety first, he made sure to have someone walk down with him. Damian was clutching onto Dick’s arm. When the doors opened, Bruce stood face to face with and elderly woman in a wheelchair along with her son. Otherwise known as Great Aunt Candice and Uncle Philip.

“Aunt Candice,” Dick jumped up front, “How funny is it running into you guys?”

“Hysterical,” She deadpanned before locking eyes on Bruce, “Hello nephew. Wonderful to know you actually have agreed to come to one of our events and even brought your… wards.”

“Yes, I wanted my children to be able to see their Uncle Jake and meet their grandmother,” He politely nodded, “And the rest of the Kane family.”

They all stepped out of the elevator, hesitantly as Bruce acted completely different than they’d ever known. Eventually Tim and Duke reached them with Tim’s upbeat look of health as he looked completely ridiculous with his fanny pack and sunscreen covered nose. The raised eyebrow from the woman had him looking at the floor, “Tim is taking some extra precautions on his health. He opted to take the stairs.”

“Tim?” She looked at him, “The Drake boy? I knew your grandparents.”

“Well, nephew,” Phillip snapped, “Aren’t you going to introduce us to your little darlings or does your butler have to do that, speaking of Pennyworth.”

Jason had to clutch his hands at the mention of his pseudo grandfather, because who the fuck was this guy. But Bruce handled it with ease, “Alfred is resting in the suite next to ours. He does so much for our family, I wanted him to relax but you’re right. I should introduce your family members. They’ve been so desperate to meet you all, It’s disappointing that your so busy to visit them. Children, this is your great great aunt Candice Kane align with your great uncle Philip. And these are my children, you know Dick, Jason, Cassandra, Tim, Damian, and my ward Duke.”

“Well aren’t you a spitting image of your father,” Phillip stared at Damian. 

The boy seemed like he was ready to give his prim and proper response when he stared at Tim, hesitantly he put on the sweet and shy act by waving but hiding behind Dick. The whole family has to resist rolling their eyes.

“He’s shy,” Candice doesn’t seem amused, “Cute.” 

“Once he gets going he’s like hell on wheels,” Jason smirked.

“I assume that we will be seeing you all tonight for your grandmother’s birthday celebration. Elizabeth misses the youth, god knows why.”

“Of course, we will attend!” Dick agreed.

And with that, the two elders left the Wayne family in their midst. Bruce facepalmed because this weekend was going to take alot more work than he thought.


	2. Day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family quickly grows annoyed with the bet + a dolphin tour

The dinner the night before took so much more work than he thought it would, but he maintained his decency. He took the insult of his media actions with a grain assault. Dick maintained charming despite Bette Kane’s clear feud that the two have always carried. Jason just stuck with Alfred the whole night, delivering his backhanded compliments to Philip quite well. Actually, with the bet, Damian maintained on his best behavior and allowed them an out for bed time while Tim supported it by agreeing to a good night’s sleep and stopping everyone from drinking for proper health. Sure, Tim jerking the nice thirty year old of bourbon out of his hand into a fern almost drove him up a wall, he appreciated it. If he drank around the Kanes, he’d need to continue.

“What are you four doing?” Bruce asked as he stared at the four that were in his room at five in the morning. Jason, Duke, Cassandra, and Dick all wore their pajamas with crossed arms. The looks of annoyance on their face were clear.

“Fix this,” Jason snapped, “This bet is driving us all crazy.”

“What did they do?” He groaned.

“I woke up to Tim doing yoga,” Duke glared, “It’s to open help calm his senses.”

“It was loud enough for all of us to hear,” Cassandra shared. He and Cass shared a look of annoyance.

“And I can’t say no to Damian,” Jason pointed out, “Like it is physically impossible. And I don’t mind it if he didn’t need something every second. Jay, can we sneak sundaes? Jason, I want to go see the sea turtles tonight. Will you come with me? Jaybird, Can I have another pillow? And I can’t say no, it’s horrific.”

“I have a little brother attached to me every five seconds,” Dick said, “It’s not as fun as it sounds. Tim threw away my cereal and then we ate wheat thins with almond milk because ‘it’s good to be healthy’ or ‘I’ve already had my twenty minutes of phone tech time, wanna do something’ or ‘I misplaced my fanny pack again’. While Dami is climbing on top of me every five seconds. It’s like he thinks I’m a jungle jim.”

With a large sigh, “Look, right now those two are the best behaved and making us look amazing. You guys can’t handle a neurotic Tim, or a jumping bean Damian. Guess what I deal with; Cassandra how many times do I wake up to you dancing around the manor but I put in ear plugs, Duke how many times do I have to let answer your questions on ‘what rich white men’ do. Jason, you think it’s hard to say no to Damian- he’s usually the easiest to say no too. It’s the rest of you that pull out the puppy eyes. Bruce, I want a shooting range. Bruce, I’m sorry I broke the chandelier. Dad, Steph and I want waffles… at three in the morning.”

“Are you okay?” Duke asked.

Bruce let his head hang, “Okay, I was going to wait to tell you all this. But we are going to go on a boat ride with the whole Kane family. Today.”

“But there’s no escape on a boat,” Jason protested.

“Yes. So you are all going to be on your best behavior. So that means no Tim surviving purely off coffee or Damian threatening to decapitate them. And you’re all going to make sure of this or- or I’ll have Alfred give you the cold shoulder.”

~

As it turned out, the boat tour meant they got to see dolphins. Damian’s small hands pulled at Bruce’s button up, “Baba, the railing is too high. I can’t see the dolphins properly.”

“Tim, you okay, bud?” Dick asked. The boy being addressed had his hands shaking slightly as he wore a life jacket.

“Oh yeah, just savoring my second cup of coffee. I have to be careful,” Tim smiled, “Oh, it’s sunscreen time. Gotta avoid skin cancer.”

Cassandra rolled her eyes but instead pointed at the dolphin that popped out at the surface. The three all watched and cooed at the mammal. So far, the Kanes had all but ignored the Wayne children on the tour besides the Jake and Kate. Bette had the occasional jab at Dick while Jason watched from afar. His hands itched for a cigarette but Tim made him leave them alone, something about the second hand smoke. 

“You do know, it’s still incest even if your adopted,” Jason whispered to Dick.

“Shut up,” Dick flicked him in the head.

“Grandma Kane asked me of any of you would like a cup of coffee,” Damian came up, “They have the best coffee here, from jitters. I didn’t know Jitters went down South. You can have any time you’d like; cream, sugar, just black.”

It was nearing close to three. Tim’s hands were shaking at the mention, but no. He was staying strict to this bet. Each of the others agreed to some caffeinated drink or another, “That’s okay, Damian. I’ll just have a cup of milk. Like you.”

Damian bit back his scathing remark before turning to Jason, “Jay Jay, would you come with me? It’s alot of drinks. I’m worried I’ll spill it.”

Jason groaned, “Ugh, fine. I can’t wait for this weekend to be over.”  
~

 

“Bruce,” His grandmother smiled, “I owe you an apology. These children are just wonderful. Your eldest is so charming, Jason is so strong, Duke is just such a ray of sunshine, and what a beautiful daughter you have. But those two boys of yours just have my heart. I’ll admit, Timothy is a little strange but he is the only teenager I have met that understands the importance of nature and not being on the phones all the time. Did you know we take the same vitamins. And your baby is just such a lamb. So affectionate. He called me Granny the other day.”

“They’re great,” Bruce nodded. Just fantastic.

He almost missed the Riddler at this point.


	3. Day 3

It was starting to strain on everyone. Bruce was ten seconds away from throwing the brats out of the door. But Bruce needed this to work. He could give less of a shit about Philip and Aunt Candice at this point. Because they couldn’t interfere at all, not when his grandmother was enjoying herself so much.

But Bruce could see the bet wearing down on both his boys. Tim stared down at all five vitamins and glanced at his single 8 oz. coffee and full breakfast. Damian glanced down at the smiley face pancakes and his small little nose about to turn up in disgust.

“You know,” Jason began, “I think that we can all say you both have lasted way longer than any of us thought you would. If you guys want to cut this bet short-”

“No!” Bruce spoke, everyone at the table jumped in surprise, “I mean, you both made it this far. Don’t you want to finish? Come on, I know one of you guys can win this.”

Tim nodded before throwing the vitamins down his mouth , Damian immediately whining to Jason about wanting something or another. The whole table groaned.

Duke jumped up in annoyance- and slightly sleep deprived from sharing a room with Tim ( and Tim’s ocean sounds and morning yoga exercises)“You know, I’m going to take a shower. Before TIm jumps in. Did you know before this he only had two showers a week. He thought dry shampoo and rubbed his body with a wet water cloth.”

“For your sake, I’m not going to tell Stephanie about that,” Jason scowled at Tim, “What are you doing?”

They all turned to Tim chugging milk, “I haven’t had a cup of milk in three years. Calcium!”

“Jay!” Damian whined, “I want-”

Jason couldn’t take it anymore before throwing the little demon over his shoulder and putting him in the closet, “I’m taking a long jog.”

~

“Baba,” Damian pulled on his shirt again. Damian calling him Baba, was the only thing Bruce might admit to missing after this dreadful weekend. That and Tim actually taking care of himself, “I miss home.”

“God, me too,” Bruce agreed, “One last dinner party, champ. I got us a jet straight back to Gotham.”

“We ready to do this?” Tim asked looking down at his little brother. In Tim’s hand was kale smoothie which Bruce is sure that Tim actually hates. Bruce wanted to groan, he just wanted his boys back but he wanted this weekend to be over quickly.

~

The night went surprisingly well. All of his boys had danced with their grandmother, Jason even stepped up to dance with Aunt Candice. A surprising and shocking revelation. As shocking as Cassandra and Kate dancing with Uncle Philip.

“You’re just adorable,” Bette Kane booped Damian’s nose when she came over to tease Dick. Damian took one for the team to save his father from watching Bette and Dick’s weird flirty put downs by hiding behind Dick and forcing the man to focus solely on him.

“Oh and a salad for me and my granny,” Tim smiled at the waiter. The whole table launched at asking Tim how he maintained so put together and ran a business so well, “I’m also a genius, but that’s hardly important.”

By the end of the night, Alfred happily had all their luggage packed and ready to go.

“It was a very relaxful weekend,” Alfred thanked his son, “But I’m ready for home.”

Dick was passed out on the chair in the jet within five seconds. Duke played with his phone, his phone used for the Signal to check up on the ‘Robin’ kids. Cassandra skyped Stephanie and Harper from her phone. Tim regretfully drank a glass of milk while reading a book but he stared longingly at his tablet. Jason groaned as Damian snuggled into him while pretending to sleep so he could pretend like he wasn’t watching the movie that Jason wanted to watch the first day.

“I believe we all are,” Bruce sighed before happily taking the seat next to his eldest.

The handsome face flickered over to him, “I miss Gotham. And my normal little brothers.”

“What do you think they are going to do since neither of them caved?” Bruce asked. Dick leaned over to lay his head on Bruce’s shoulder. The rightful cuddler of the family. Bruce let it happen.

“I think they were both ready to call it a truce but saw how much impressing the Kanes meant to you,” Dick hummed with closed eyes, “Neither of them would act like that if it was just to be nice. They needed a cover up. And to drive us all crazy.”

“It wasn’t all bad I guess,” Bruce sighed, “Go to sleep, old son.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please support this wonderful Batfamily/Redhood fan series where I've gathered my inspiration for Damian Wayne and Jason Todd. Seriously they are Ismahawk level good  
> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq-0ZJeZQ99fS8CiF6nBlgg
> 
> and please support their Kickstart by donating even a dollar and share with your friends! They need it or we won't get a season two
> 
> http://bit.ly/redhoods2
> 
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